“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
Carl Jung (1875 – 1961)

It does not come often enough. That extraordinary time when I can leave the world behind and actually relax without the crying, complaints, excuses… and heaven help me the lies. No, I am not talking about my kids, or even my co-workers. I am talking about that 8 hour period of daily crap I have to deal with at work.

With a smile on my face, and the last bag packed in the trunk I headed west to my family’s cabin in Blairsville, GA. Upon leaving the house I was not as thrilled as I should have been. You see, for the past week I had tried in vain to recruit friends, family,.. anyone to come with us. We usually take another couple along, preferably with kids of their own, to chat and spend time with. One by one my friends informed me they had other plans, could not get off work, had to wash their hair…  We could not find a soul who was available for a peaceful weekend.  Sensing a boring weekend, I threw a book which I had been meaning to read for about a year now into my bag, let out a sigh and started the car. This is gonna be interesting, I thought.

I could not have been more wrong.. or right. Having been turned down by the bulk of my friends could not have been a better thing to happen. It gave me a chance to re-connect with the girls. It was like God took all of my other distractions away, (work, yard, finances, home, food, etc.) and let me concentrate on the three things for which I am always being distracted and helping to provide for. It was a true gift.

A gift like this don’t come free though. Your expected to learn a thing or two. But then again maybe the learning part is actually the gift itself.

So i give you: The things I learned about my family this weekend.

Cosey

We all know this kid is a trip. She never shuts up. Never. I am convinced that she will either be a motivational speaker for the Empowered Women of America, or she will be a actress who normally plays the role of a Meth-head, geeked up and yapping non-stop throughout the movie. In any scenario she is a talker. Cosey was at it, as usual, as we perused our favorite hang out in Murphy, NC on Saturday. The “Foster’s Flee Market” (or as I refer to it; The Weekly Red-neck Convention) is one of the largest gently used product sales this side of the Blue Ridge Mountains. You can buy anything and everything there. Underwear, socks, V-8 engines, guns, produce, pets, and yes.. glass framed and ready to wall mount Tarantula spiders. (the guy actually told me that they are really just hibernating.. I think it was a joke, but I didn’t laugh just in case).
Which brings me to Cosey. There we were walking by a produce stand when Cosey suddenly announced to me ”Dad? Did you know I can talk like a farmer?”… “oh really Cos?.. that is nice”, I responded, barely paying attention. This is when my daughter, at the top of her lungs yelled “Hi’ya thur partnur!  Whatcha doin’?” to the produce salesman, who by the look of him had been wearing the same overalls for two weeks and was missing most of his teeth. Before I could say a word the salesman responded “I’ma doin’ fine thur missy…Danks for askin’”
Alone this conversation would have been just fine. I mean, the guy didn’t know that she was just acting like a red-neck.. I mean farmer. What may have pissed him off was Cosey’s next statement, which was in her typical Floridian-Philly accent. “Look daddy!.. he can talk like a Farmer too!  I didn’t get to read the expression on his face due to the fact that I was herding her off toward the car. Nor did I want to take any chances as he was selling Winchester rifles right next to the squash.

Terrie

With the girls asleep and the house quiet I sat down with that book which had been the object of procrastination for so long which was entitled “Lord Foulgrin’s Letters” by Randy Alcorn (awesome novel by the way!) As I started the book i realized how long it had been since I picked one up. I use to read lots… at least a novel or two a week. I was actually proud of how fast I could get through a standard book in the past and after a few chapters I was at top speed. Terrie laid down on the couch across from me and started a book too. Probably some romance novel or mystery where the woman detective wins in the end, thwarting the all male police detective squad at their own game. I squinted to read the title. “Kiss the girls“… yeah, I was right.
The house had absolutely no sound except for the turning of pages and the occasional thump of the refrigerator compressor kicking in. So it kinda surprised me as I began to realize that she was turning pages at a slightly faster pace than I was. This surprise turned to annoyance really quick. I kicked up my pace a bit, probably loosing some deep innuendos within the novel… still she had me beat by at least 15 seconds a page. Ok, no more games. I opened my eyes wider and sat up. No way she is gonna show me up. I was able to catch up and pass her.. of course I had to skip every other sentence and totally missed the turning point of the whole book. I gave up, went back two chapters and tried to drown out the pages being turned which were like slaps in the face at this point.

Chloe

If there is one thing i take seriously as a Father, it is the role of protector. Terrie had long finished her book and headed to bed leaving me sulking and finishing the last few chapters of mine. Without the distracting noise of her speed reading dominating the living room I could move at a decent pace. That is when i heard it. Creeeek. The sound of one of the girls sneaking out of bed i presumed. I hopped up and peeked my head in their room. Both of them were out cold. I shrugged it off as a noise a old house, which I am not as familiar with, would normally emit. Then I heard another sound.. this one was definitely not the sound of wood rubbing wood.. it was more organic.. more human or animal-like. Phhbbbgruf. My mind took a few seconds to place it. Somewhere in the filing cabinet in my head came the answer… A man, Grunting. Another few seconds while i counted how many men were in the house… wait, just me. I bolted into their room and was half expecting to see some thief or pervert pulling himself into their window. I Looked outside and there was nothing but a moth flying around the flood light. I knew that sound was not the house.. it was definitely from a human. Then i heard it again, right next to me this time. Although i fully was prepared to turn around and see a rabid raccoon or a squirrel on the prowl, the only thing i did witness was the last remaining yelps of pressurized gas escaping my 3 year old’s rear end. The girl farts like a felon.

So, there you have it. Three things I learned about each of the women I love. If it were not for this unplanned time alone I would not have been so educated of the aspects which have yet to be discovered of them. Although I like to show the humorous side to life, this weekend was great. I spent time which had somehow got lost with the girls. Quality time. Time that was priceless. In the process I also learned a few things which surprised me. Go figure.

“Heirlooms we don’t have in our family. But stories we’ve got.”
Rose Cherin