“Slow and steady wins the race, then wastes no time grinding salt-caked glass in your open wounds.”
Randy K. Milholland

It was around 1100 AD. There was a guy, I’m sure, who was sitting in a back room of the Chartres Cathedral. laboring away on the new piece of art for the front entrance of the church. He was crouched over a large piece of colored glass which was one of many to be cut and assembled together flawlessly in a mosaic of the Virgin Mary. The Bishop has set a time line and he had very few days left to finish the piece. Beads of sweat were forming and dripping from his forehead as he applied pressure to one corner of the glass hoping it would break as intended and leave him with a perfectly shaped nose for the Virgin’s face. There was a cracking sound and then a guttural scream followed by a long line of french curse words having something to do with the illegitimate puppies of pregnant female dogs.  Eventually, the piece was finally finished, however Mary looked like Barbara Streisand after getting in a fist fight. The Bishop was not happy. The artist was executed of course, however he did not care since he was finally out of his misery and did not have to participate in any more stupid and frustrating pieces of fragile artwork.

This past month has been filled with similar frustrations as I have attempted to broaden my horizons and indulge in stained glass art. Although much time has past since 1100 AD, technology has not progressed much in the realm of stained glass making. If my kids actually listened to me at all, they would have learned several new words to expand their vocabulary coming from my mouth. This was not easy, not one bit.

Stained glass is something I have always wanted to do. Not out of pure creativity but more a fascination with the end result. I have stopped many times to look at old glass art at those salvage stores and to me they seem like a ordinary windows… with a story. Even if the glass was made recently, it still has a aura which is oozing history. You just want to stare at it and wonder where it has been or who use to own it.

I bought a beginners kit on eBay, read a few books on the subject, then considered myself an expert. I decided to start out small and followed instructions on a piece which had cut-out templates in one of my books. It was a glass cover for a night light. Simple enough to get the hang of it and practical for a application in the girls room. The design was supposed to be a sunset over the ocean.  Piece of cake.  Feeling proud of myself after 3 hours of work on a 5 inch piece of glass, I showed Cosey my creation. She absolutely loved it however thought it was strange that I would make a stained glass picture of a “smooshed jelly sandwich”. At this point I decided it would now be abstract art, and Cosey can kiss my butt. I then emailed a friend of mine a picture of it to which he responded with acclaim at the talent my kids must have to do such creative projects. I didn’t have the heart to tell him.

Suppressing my damaged ego, I moved on to something I had always wanted to have. A numerical glass piece displaying our house numbers. Maybe the mailman can appreciate my genius. While the layman may look at it and notice 1,..2.. but no more than 14 imperfections,  a true artist will realize it is a contemporary piece showing the fall of man in a sinful world who build their lives on the slanted and not so perfect foundation of untruth. Duh.

A week later my second creation was complete with newfound realization that I stink at soldering. After a night of framing it in the small and useless window above our front door, the whole neighborhood is jealous. I’m sure.

“Glass, china, and reputation are easily cracked, and never well mended.”
Benjamin Franklin (1706 – 1790)