“We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. “
Wernher Von Braun (1912 – 1977)

The whole world is slanted. I am amazed that my home actually has not keeled over to one side and collapsed on itself since nothing in this house is level. How do I know this you ask?.. Well.. let me explain:

My most recent conquest was a bookshelf in our living room. We have a wall next to our fireplace which has decided that after a 100 years of existing it just can’t take it anymore and, like a old man in a nursing home, it can’t hold water.

The plaster, which it what the wall is made out of, absorbs the moisture from the exterior bricks and “bubbles”, breaking through the paint and making it look terrible. The only solution to this problem is to Sheetrock (which I have tried before, teaching my children new curse words in the process) or to just cover it up with something else. We chose the latter and settled on a bookshelf with a built-in look to it. Terrie has always thought a built-in would look great in the house, especially considering the age of the home. So it was decided. This is when Gravity attacked.

If there is a consistent problem in my life it can be narrowed to one thing. Gravity. I respect it so much that I capitalize the word.. not because it should be adorned, but because it should be respected. I do it because I am afraid it might get mad at me and smite me. You think I am kidding?… Yesterday the toilet seat fell down at a precisely bad moment during my, ehem …recycling… attempt in the middle of the night. It was not a coincidence. Every one of my projects has been defeated or hindered by Gravity. As lessons were learned I fought back with technology. First I bought small levels; Gravity laughed at me. Then i bought larger and more expensive levels; Gravity caused me to drop and break them. Finally i bought digital lasers; Gravity made the battery case open up releasing those stupid small watch batteries which fell down the A/C vent. Gravity is evil.

Every stinking board on this bookshelf is custom made to fit the curvature of this limp noodle we call a house. What would have taken a weekend to do was prolonged to three weeks of cutting, measuring, fitting, measuring and then cutting again. Some shelves are 10 inches wide at one end, and 11 inches at the other end. In order for it to be flush to the wall, it had to form fitted to it. I knew that if i was consistent with this inconsistency the end result would match the different slants of the ceiling, wall, windows and floor giving the appearance of a straight and well built piece of furniture. In reality if i placed the bookshelf outside (ohh, lets say by the garbage cans) it would look like a some type of Antoni Gaudí creation after two bottles of Absenth and a hit of acid. (Casa Batlló comes to mind).

On a lighter note. Happy B-day Chloe! We don’t measure her time with us in years.. but how many combined grey hairs we have. So, in essence, she is 426 Gh old! Mom,Bruce, John and Mason made the trip for our little party. We had a great time and Terrie braved the kitchen and made a milk-free birthday cake which was delicious. 3 years down….15 more to go.

“Many things are worse than defeat,and compromise with evil is one of them. “
Author Unknown